


Amaryllis

by BladedFeather



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Original Character(s), POV Dorian Pavus, this is a passion project
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-01 04:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16757797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BladedFeather/pseuds/BladedFeather
Summary: "That's what I do. Fall out of the sky, make bad decisions, and somehow everyone still follows me."





	1. Letters

**Author's Note:**

> So. This is what happened after I finished DA:I circa 2015 and then wrote in a feverish daze until I hit 30k and stared in shock at my computer. At this point I'm putting it on archive for...peace of mind that it won't get lost because it's personally one of my favorite works. 
> 
> If you choose to actually read this, just be warned you'd have to be pretty familiar with the game, as some scenes are written with the idea that you understand what part of the game they are coming from, little to no explanation is provided context/world wise. 
> 
> This is work of mine that I haven't edited in any major way, and it does not reflect my current writing abilities.
> 
> I do still love to look back on it and read it, despite it's flaws. So maybe someone else will too. 
> 
> I'll periodically post parts of the story, it is written more as a snapshot of life/focus on certain in game events rather than a linear overarching plot.

Dorian wasn't expecting the Inquisitor to be _beautiful_. Though that's exactly what he was. It was something that happened rarely, a stray thought that Dorian angrily pushed aside and scolded himself for, but this time it stuck, because it was undeniably true. The man was beautiful, and it threw Dorian off a little bit. The Inquisitor had a strange sort of grace about him, which Dorian had sort of expected, him being...Dalish and all, though actually watching him as he talked to his council was something different. The way he carried himself was extraordinary, there was not arrogant posturing that those in Tevinter spoke of, and there was not subdued obedience like the elves from back home. The Inquisitor held his head high, shoulders set, immovable. 

Dorian didn't quite know what to make of the man's personality the longer he stayed with the Inquisition. There were many different facets to it, like masks or charades, something Dorian knew well, though it never seemed like that. Every side that Dorian saw never seemed forced, or fabricated in any sense, the Inquisitor, the loud commanding voice, raising a sword proudly, The Warrior charging into battle and fearless while doing it, protecting the innocent and trying to find justice, and more recently, the friend. When Dorian observed that side of him, it always amazed him, that the command could slip away like that, and the Inquisitor could laugh and poke fun and play pranks just like everyone else. 

It was hard watching him when they got sent into the future. Dorian could almost see the grief as it began to weigh on the elf's shoulders, though he never faltered, never lost hope. It was inspiring. Dorian knew it was foolish to hold him in such high regards, well relatively high, anyway, he was an enigma at this point, and Dorian quite enjoyed puzzles.

___

The flirting was surprising, and the first time it happened it shocked a laugh out of Dorian and he did what he always did, he turned it into a simple joke and put it down as that. It wasn't that difficult to do, as they had known each other it had become increasingly apparent that the Inquisitor was funny, so that's all it had to be surely, he was imagining all of the sidelong glances from the Inquisitor. Had to be.

Ashar'an. Dorian paused a full three seconds from his explanation of proper artifact restoration methods involving magic when the inquisitor gifted him his name,

"So, Inquisitor, you just have to-" The Inquisitor laid a hand on his arm and grinned,

"Dorian, my name is Ash. Well, actually it's Ashar'an but still, Ash. I'm not a title all the time you know." 

And Dorian had frozen, Ash. It tumbled around in his head for a while before he coughed a bit and nodded,

"Right then..." He said, and continued on with his explanation only slightly flustered and studiously ignored the flushed feeling in his face. The Inquis-Ash. Ash leaned back and smiled in what appeared to be fondness at him as he listened. Dorian had to be imagining things at this point. He should really open a window more often, musty air was probably bad for him...

___

Dorian was ranting again, it wasn't really his fault, it just happened sometimes. He'd just go on a tangent and then chase it like a butterfly.

"You know, it's adorable when ancient book keeping, or lack thereof, works you up." Ash quipped suddenly and Dorian sort of ground to a halt, oh he spit out some come back, as always, it was automatic at this point, something about himself probably; but everything just sort of stopped.  
It had taken only a few days before The Inquisitor had become Ashar'an, Ash, flirty smiles and genuine ones and glowing grey eyes and a mischievous smirk, in his mind. It was only a few weeks before he started looking forward to when they would all get a break from trudging through every known corner of Thedas, and Ash would wander up to the library, and without fail, stop to talk to him. Stop to smile at him, and ask about the books he's been reading, his thoughts on the last thing the party had done together. In that moment it kind of clicked for Dorian, and he was terrified. That the Inquisitor as he was to everyone else, made time in his day for him. That's when he started to fear the flirting wasn't meaningless.

___

Dorian was reading quietly, as it was his favorite pastime when Ash (he still can't get over how quickly he'd started calling him that) walked up, and Dorian tries not to hastily put his book away, and suavely holds it away from himself with a grin, though it falls at the look on Ash's face, and Dorian suddenly fears if somehow, Ash is fed up with him, if...if he knows what Dorian thinks sometimes, if he's going to make him leave, Dorian would do it with his head held high but it would still hurt, he had made friends here though his frantic thoughts are cut off,

"Dorian. There's a letter for you that I thought you should see. It's from your father."


	2. Whiskey

There are few other times that Dorian can remember being so upset. His father standing there, acting like he knows what's best for him, like he _cares_. Dorian says it, and as it comes out of his mouth he realizes that using it to hurt his father has now just left him up for judgement with Ash. And it's a little terrifying but at the same time he's glad, because if he doesn't accept it then fine, fuck him too, he was trying to do good with the Inquisition but if this makes things difficult, again, he will leave and find somewhere-

"Seriously? This is what all of this is about? _Who he sleeps with?_ " Ash's voice is incredulous to say the least and Dorain feels like a weight he didn't know was there has suddenly lifted off of his chest. 

-

They get back to Skyhold, and Ash is called to other matters, but gives Dorian a meaningful look as he's carted away, and it's filled with affection and worry and Dorian _could not deal with that sober on a good day_. So he goes to the tavern, ignores The Iron Bull and tries to get extremely drunk. Although Varric Tethras seems incapable of leaving him alone to wallow. 

"Sparkler, you alright there? You're drinking like that stuff is actually _good_." Dorian simply scoffs,

"I'm in disbelief that it can be this terrible, I have to keep drinking to prove myself wrong." Varric rolls his eyes at him and Dorian just hunches in on himself, and looks around wondering when the tavern had gotten so empty. 

Hours later perhaps, Varric is hilariously supporting him over to one of the nice little cots in the private room of the tavern. 

"His _eyes_ though dwarf! You....you're a dwarf, you have an appreci...appreciation for shiny things right? They're like....like. Luster. They're like that Paragons Luster stuff. You should know it, it's your metal." Dorian is drunk, he is so fantastically drunk and _it's wonderful_. As long as he's drunk stupid pretty Inquisitors, named Ash, can't make him almost ruin everything he's worked to build for himself here. It hasn't occurred to Dorian that he's spoken all of that aloud until Varric is patting his knee (when did he lay down?) and throwing a blanket at him.

Dorian suddenly feels incredibly small.

" _Don't_ tell him Varric. It's not. It's not okay for me to....I can't." Dorian feels like he's shattering. He's drunk and the room is spinning, and everything is getting blurry but it suddenly hurts, everything he tries to bury _hurts_. Varric is there again, standing and look down at him (for once, ha) and sighing.

"I've been around a lot of stupid in my time Sparkler, but I think you might take the cake, even over the Riviani trying to steal from fucking Qunari. His Inquisitorialness, is a lot of things, and one of those things is: _crazy about the resident Tevinter Mage_." 

Dorian wants to tell him that he's crazy and that he has absolutely no idea what he's going on about, and is trying to go through the amount of Tevinter Mages in Skyhold in his head but everything finally goes black and Dorian gives in.

*

When he wakes up again, it's hell. He curses in Tevinter for a moment, holding his head and trying to stop it from splitting open and trying to gain the willpower to drag himself to the healers when last night suddenly filters in slightly and he groans but that only makes his head hurt more.

"I wouldn't suggest loud noises, at least, not until you've taken this that is." Dorian sits bolt upright, or tries and is stopped by a firm hand and a low chuckle. "Whoa there, I happen to like these shoes." Dorian closes his eyes, curses some more in Tevinter and opens them, turning his head tentatively and sure enough, Ash is sitting on the edge of the cot, smiling at him cheekily.

"Have you come to laugh at my plight?" Dorian grits out, trying and probably failing to conceal the panic in his chest, he is going to _kill_ Varric before Ash throws him out. Ash laughs softly though and Dorian aches from the sound of it, rough around the edges.

"No actually, Varric just told me that you'd drunken yourself into a stupor, and having experienced that a few times myself, I decided to be sympathetic." Dorian cracks an eye open, and notices that yes, Ash's hand is in fact still on his chest, and yes, he actually did bring blessed herbs. Though Dorian still isn't sure, and frowns, knowing he probably looks like a wreck though not exactly caring, because pain.

"What else praytell, did our little dwarf tell you?" Dorian huffs and braces himself,

"Just that you're a fun drunk, which we'll have to test sometime, after you recover of course." Dorian isn't buying it. Ash is smirking, that is _never_ a good thing.

"I know Varric must've told you something, and I'd just like to apologize right now and get it over with, I hope this doesn't affect my work for the Inquisition and that you find it in your heart to _not_ make a big deal about this to everyone." Dorain scrubs his face with a hand and just decides to leave it there. 

"Do tell, what exactly am I going to make a big deal about?" At this point, Dorian's a little pissed, and snorts at Ash's inquisitive tone. Ha. Inquisitive.

"Oh nothing. Just that I've got the most unfortunate crush on our valiant leader like the fool I am, I'm sure they'll get a kick out of that." Silence. Dorian has just nailed his coffin shut and he knows it, he knows it and it's breaking his heart because he quite enjoyed Ash's company, he's intelligent and funny and the best part of the south so far and he just _had_ to go and fuck it up. That's why it is rather disconcerting when there is a sudden weight on his hips, and firm calloused hands on his wrists, and then shockingly gentle, lips against his.

"Feel free to punch me if you like, I just couldn't help myself any longer," Ash says, smiling and breathless, and Dorian is stunned. 

"You." He says intelligently, and stares befuddled at Ash who is grinning almost madly,

"More like you. Wanted. Never knew how to ask, I was afraid it would be....unwelcome. Me being the Inquisitor and all..." Dorian watches in almost fascination as the confidence melts away and suddenly it's just Ash, just the two of them, and Dorian also realizes he should _really fucking do something_ because Ash's hands are loosening on his wrists and he looks ready to bolt.

"Oh no. You don't get to run away, not now." Dorian growls and Ash raises his eyebrows before grinning, and promptly pinning him to the rickety little cot. They kiss and it's unbelievable, Dorian almost feels like he's stealing chantry tithes, it's a miracle and terrifying and he cannot _believe_. 

-

Later, much later, Dorian is in the library, and Ash walks by, smiling and winking at him secretly as he makes his way to the Nightingales 'cave' as he's begun calling it, and Dorian feels warm for the first time on that blasted mountain.


	3. Abyss

Not only is the _archdemon_ and _demon army_ terrifying enough, Ash goes and scares him half to death. 

It's in the heat of battle, Clarel had just been scooped up and tossed down like a child's toy and they are being backed up into the abyssal chasm. Dorian didn't think he'd die like this. He's at peace mostly, but there are a few roaring thoughts blocking out that peace, firstly the _'noonononono not like this we still have to kill Corypheus he can't win'_ and closely followed by blind and all consuming fear for Ash, who is standing like a beacon among all the chaos, sword glowing and shield raised high, shouting at the dragon. 

Dorian feels it in his chest, he feels it and wants to but can't stop it. It roars above everything else, looking at Ash bloodstained and still beautiful, refusing to go down without a fight, _Amatus_. He thinks it and it sticks and he's terrified. The dragon swoops, and then goes down with a roar, taking the bridge with it, the fall is a moment of blind panic and then....nothing. He opens his eyes and he's in the Fade. It's undeniable that's where he is and his mind starts racing. Up is down and there is a dining table on the wall but none of that matters, the academic in him is repressed by the screaming in his heart, as he looks around at everyone else, Cassandra, Cole, Stroud, Hawke, and no Ash. 

"Where _is_ he!?" He shouts to no one in particular, ignoring their confusion about where they are. Suddenly the sky seems to rip open again briefly, and Ash is dumped unceremoniously onto the ground. 

Dorian is furious.

The fear demon chooses his father. Dorian is relieved. Because there is something he's so much more afraid of right now.

____

Ash walks up carefully, Dorian's watching him, oh he is. It looks like he's reading he knows that but he's watching Ash's careful steps.

"You know, you have an awful disparity when it comes to Tevinter history in your library." He babbles. It's inane and useless but he's so _angry_.

"That's just like you, to tear apart the contents of my library." Ash comments softly, rolling his eyes with a small little grin and Dorian cannot take it anymore. He nearly starts yelling, but that will cause a scene and that's not something he can deal with right now. So he's nearly whispering but the words are harsh, and he hates when his voice breaks the tiniest bit,

"You sent me ahead of you, and that's when I thought, 'this is it, this is when I finally lose him forever'." Ash recoils a little, stricken and a part of Dorian is grimly pleased, though the rest just aches. 

Ash stares at him for a moment, eyes fathomless in the way they sometimes are and he walks forward a bit, still mindful of the distance between them, because Dorian had asked him to be in public, and lays a hand on his forearm,

"I need to talk to you. Can you...?" He asks quickly and Dorian nods, watching him walk away, the ache dull and throbbing in his chest.

___

Ash is pacing the floor, when Dorian arrives, practically wearing a hole in the carpet. He pauses at the top of the stairs and Ash does to, clenches his fists, Dorian can see the veins in stark relief against his pale skin.

"Dorian. Dorian I'm." His voice breaks, and Dorian freezes. Ash is never upset. At least, not this openly. It had taken time for Dorian to learn the tells of Ash's silent suffering. Seeing this, seeing him almost crumbling in front of him, snaps whatever resolve he'd had coming into the room. He walks forward quickly and Ash wraps his arms around his waist when he's close enough.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Vhenan, I..." His speech dissolves into Elvish and Dorian rubs his back and rests his head on his chest, breathing in and sighing. 

"Ash. No." The elf looks up sharply, and there's a fear there so familiar it stings, but Dorian watches, literally can tell, the second Ash buries it, can see the decision he's making,

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have become so...I apologize, things can go back to-" Dorian puts a hand on his chest and shoves lightly,

"If you say normal I will throw you off that balcony," Ash smirks a little but is still watching him warily and Dorian groans before grabbing the fool by the lapels of his shirt, kissing him softly, 

"I didn't come here to tell you to get lost, Maker so _full_ of yourself you southerners. I just think you need a healthy dose of self-preservation is all." He pulls him back into a hug, "I was just scared Amatus. Scared." It's the first time he's said it out loud and he hopes the meaning is lost on the other man, a bit of him does, if only to save himself the heartbreak later when this all goes belly up. Though Ash goes completely still, and Dorian knows he knows, and curses himself a little for the endless stream of books he'd thrown at the other man's voracious desire for knowledge. 

"You can't possibly mean that." Is the startled reply and Dorian snorts, 

"Of course I do, I mean I don't simply go around calling everyone my most precious, I mean I think it would lose some of it's punch then, though I wonder what sort of-" He never finishes, not in a few moments, and certainly not ten minutes later when Ash has him pinned by the shoulders and is staring down at him in wicked delight... 

Dorian never finishes his sentence that night.


	4. Decipher

Dorian is an academic. It's in his nature, so by that nature the name Vhenan, sticks in his head, and he's curious, not enough that he'll actually ask Ash who had known what Amatus meant the moment he'd heard it, and damn if Dorian doesn't like being right all the time, so he tracks down Solas. They've had a certain amount of camaraderie lately and Dorian had been bringing him Elven texts that had given him trouble, this time he brings a small list, with the name sprawled at the bottom, totally unnoticeable among the other words, or so he hopes. 

Upon getting the list back, there are translations all the way through, except on the one he was actually hoping for and Dorian groans out loud, and then freaks out a little at the 'come find me' written in place of the translation, though does as he's told and finds Solas on the battlements.

"Ah yes Dorian, there you are." Solas greets and Dorian nods in acknowledgement,

"There was something you wanted to speak to me about?" Dorian questions and Solas stares off into the middle distance for a moment before turning to look at him so seriously that he's worried for a moment.

"That last word you asked me to translate for you, where exactly did you hear it?" Dorian frowned and raised an eyebrow,

"From a book that I was trying to decipher, you elves are terrible about your mystery and all. Really I'm just trying to discover the meaning behind that big proclamation on the wall.." It wasn't a complete lie, he really had been trying to decipher that meaning for some time. Solas watches him for a moment before nodding,

"It's hard to get it's exact meaning without context, though it's a somewhat sacred term." Dorian is baffled, truly curious for more reasons that his own now,

"Sacred, how so?" Solas actually chuckles at him and Dorian is a bit offended,

"Sorry, it's just that sacred can mean many things to many different people. To the Elvhen though, _Vhenan_ is a term for loyalty in some cases, like the Emerald Knights, though in more practical cases it loosely means, 'treasured one, or soul of value'. Elves used it to signify love, some even used it in marriage vows." Solas has gone back to staring at nothing and there’s an almost lost look in his eyes he gets sometimes, though Dorian leaves that mystery for another time, politely taking his leave, or trying to. 

"Dorian," Solas calls sternly as he goes to leave and he turns slightly, Solas is _almost grinning_ at him when he speaks, "Next time the Inquisitor says something to you that you do not understand, I would recommend asking him." Dorian gapes the entire time Solas strolls away.

__

Ash finally makes it up to his rooms, and it's clear he's tired, the day must've been long, though Dorian is in serious need of some information, and this is the sort he unfortunately can't just dig up at the library. He's holding a book in his hands, lounging carelessly on the sofa and as soon as the Inquisitor rounds the corner and stares at him in surprise he starts talking,

" _Vhenan_ : a signification of love, sometimes used in marriage vows." Dorian watches in mild delight as Ash turns the color of his hair. Lanky (but muscular!) arms freezing spastically at his waist.

"In some cases yes, it is. Though really it's more of a term for..." Ash doesn't finish and Dorian raises an eyebrow, prompting the other to roll his eyes, "other halves. So to speak." Dorian watches him fidget for a moment, admiring the way he humbles so quickly and without fight, looking like an embarrassed schoolboy, though Dorian knows he isn't, knows and respect the power and person he is, so he relents. A few soothing words in Tevinter that Ash clearly doesn't understand but accepts on tone has him guiding him to the bed gently, boots shucked and covers drawn up high, 

"It doesn't bother me if that's what you're worried about." Dorian admits cheekily earning a swat from Ash, the circles under his eyes almost unnoticeable in the dark.


End file.
